Has Anyone Seen My Stapler?

Working in an office means working in a very unique environment. The concept of locking dozens of adults in small areas fitted with desks and malfunctioning office equipment has not only spawned shows like The Office (both of them) and movies like Office Space, but it's also spawned my paycheck.

What makes the office environment so unique is the way perfectly rational adults turn into children once the nine hour work day begins (hence the truthful hilarity of the products listed above.)

For example - Today I was stuck working under a merciless pile of paperwork while being attacked by a phone that quite literally did not stop ringing for hours on end. By the time I was able to take a break the extra large tea I had at lunch had long since kicked in. I quickly made a mad dash past empty desks for the nearest restroom. There I encountered a locked door and a running water faucet. After the faucet continued to run for several minutes, I realized the restroom occupant was covering the sound of their clicking cell phone keys as they sent a text or twelve.

I had no alternative but to turn and ran past the empty desks once more, this time heading for the second closest restroom. Here I encountered yet another locekd door and the suspicious smell of cigarette smoke. Luckily, the third closest restroom was directly around the corner from the second closest. But this restroom was occupied, as well. There was no smoke, no clicking of keys, and no running water, but there was a total silence that led me to believe someone was taking a nap and banking on using an upset stomach as their excuse if caught.

Several bathrooms, one aggravated yell, and a "pee-pee dance" that could have rivaled The Lord of the Dance later, I found a free handicapped stall in the furthest bathroom from my obviously empty section of the office.

There is no moral to this story other than ending it with, "And it's only Monday."